Say something about gay babies.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
