One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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