fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
