Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
