someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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