Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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