My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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