i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
