at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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