One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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