Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
