some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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