If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
