you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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