I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
