You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
