YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
