it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
