i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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