Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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