my mouth tastes like poor choices
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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