You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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