before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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