he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
