It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
high people should be assigned attendants
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
