i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
