My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
