If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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