WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
