i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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