are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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