The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How does one acquire holy water?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
