I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
