it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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