Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
this hospital has no fireball
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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