There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
