First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
