just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
