fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
