Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
