Nicole vs. Life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
