i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
