In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
