So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
