Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Girls should come with a carfax report
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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