Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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