Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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