No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
