We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
