So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
