omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
