My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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