I cockslap morals
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
