at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
