I am puke
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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